Well hello there; fancy meeting you here. I know I’ve been derelict in my duties and have neglected to write for many moons. The reason? Who knows. I’ve felt very little desire to blog since before I left Korea. There are even still things I should write about and show you from Korea (like the north Korean border). But, alas, it may never happen. Hopefully you’re on facebook so that you can see pictures (but still not all of them) from China.
So anyhoo, I’ll catch you up. I finished teaching in Korea at the end of June. July was awesome in that I was able to spend 2 weeks in china, 5 days in Hawai’i, and two weeks in San Diego where I was re-united with the fam. Then I was finally back in Utah in august. I still haven’t seen everyone I’d like to see, and I haven’t gone down to Vegas to visit friends, which I really want to do, but I am back and have seen a lot of you. I’ve been up to Idaho a couple of times and was so happy to see my family again!! I love you!!!
As you know, I went to Korea in part due to burn out with the job. Coming back, I knew I had to be careful on how I re-entered the field. I don’t want to go through burn-out again, and I don’t want to sink down into the rut I previously inhabited. Yuck. You may also remember that I swore I’d never live in Utah again, and would never work at my old jobs again. I think the fates took that as a triple-dog-dare. I feel good about being here! What the??? I was hoping to re-locate to San Diego or somewhere warmer, outside of Utah, and close to my beloved ocean. However, the financial state of the world and my pocketbook made that a little difficult, not to mention the whole feeling-good-about-being-in-utah thing. Bother. So, here I am. I’m living at home to pay off more debt since I wasn’t able to pay off much in Korea. That part of the plan took a nose-dive along with the world economy and exchange rate. No worries. Living at home also allows me to examine my life, my next step in my life, and to do all that carefully. It’s fun to live at home anyway, I’ve been gone for so long and my family ended up missing me the whole time I was there.
To get some cash flowing in, I went to sos temporary staffing services and was lucky enough to get a position with the office of the medical examiner. It’s more blessing than luck; even jobs through a temp agency are hard to come by in this climate. It’s a Monday through Friday 8-5 job and it pays next to nothing, but it gets my bills taken care of. I do see dead bodies, and I have seen some crazy pictures and read some crazy stories. If you want me to tell you how NOT to die, just ask. I should be observing an autopsy soon and I’m a little nervous and excited for that. Today the doctor told me to eat a lot of breakfast so that they could take plenty of pictures of me losing it. :) he’s a fun one.
So back in my field – mental health therapy for children, teens, and families – I still want to specialize in PCIT and I’ve added TF-CBT to the specialty list. PCIT is parent child interaction therapy and is great, intensive therapy with parents and their kids. TF-CBT is trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy. Both are my style of therapy, being behavioral and backed by research that says they’re effective. The first place I worked at when I finished grad school has undergone some pretty good structural changes and they are now practicing both of these therapies. This has led me to apply for an open position with them, and today I interviewed for it. I don’t know if I’ll get offered the job since so many applied. The agency that serves Salt Lake County recently laid off somewhere between 100 and 200 employees, so they’re out there looking for work too. We’ll see. I trust that the right and best thing will happen. I am also doing the research and ground work to start up my own private practice. Since that will take time, and since I’m not married and so don’t have a hubs with benefits that cover me, I feel it’s wisest to accept the position if they offer it to me, and still build up the private practice on the side. My eventual goal is to be able to live just off the private, and to be highly specialized and a leading expert in my specialties. Pray for me!
On to the love front. I’ve been blessed to know from my loving Heavenly Father that I would have a desire to become an expert in a certain field, and that I would bless many lives. Thank heavens I know that a career is in my future/present and that it’s ok. It makes this whole single thing easier, at least a little bit, to handle. Today has actually been a doosy of a day and I’ve shed buckets of tears. I’ve been doing my best to be attractive when I venture out of the house, go to church, talk to the boys, and I’m online again. After the initial slew of grandpas and shorties that flirted with me online, I finally started getting some guys talk to me that I could handle looking into. If you’re married, go and kiss and hug your loved one now and thank him for taking you out of the game! It’s still a mess. I think the biggest problem I’m facing is the physical one. I’m a beautiful woman, but I’m not a skinny one. I am going to be such a good wife and mother, but not a skinny one. I’m intelligent, hard working, fun, adventurous, a goofball, but not skinny. I’ve had guys totally into me until they meet me and see that I’m not skinny. This is what I’ve decided to do, and most of you are going to gasp in horror. I had a series of email exchanges today with a new bloke and decided to be honest with him about me not being a size 2. He was kind enough to let me know that I was not for him. J yes, I did flip off his email. I hope he felt it. J just kidding. I didn’t flip him off. But I did curse and cry on the drive home, and then while at home too. It’s excruciatingly bitter to not have wanted anything else in life but marriage and family, and yet at the same time to have my biggest trial in life be the biggest obstacle to attaining that goal. Not to mention that I’m wired as a mormon woman and extra wired as Alivia to desire these righteous things. So, I decided to email all the guys I’m talking to now to do a screening process. If having a certain size wife is of utmost importance to them, I’d rather know now, before I get to know them better, have my hopes lifted, and then dashed in person. I know! You are all shaking your head and groaning. But, oddly enough I felt at peace while writing to these gentlemen, and have gotten a couple emails back assuring me that it is not a problem. What a comfort, seriously. Maybe there are a few good men. Maybe. Even though this has been a particularly hard day, and this issue has been a hard one in my life, I do want you to know that I know, KNOW, that my Heavenly Father is aware of me and loves me. I know that it’ll happen in the right time. I know that I’ll be able to meet and marry a chosen servant. I went to a relief society retreat last month and sister Oaks spoke. She married Elder Oaks when she was in her early 50s. With power, she told us that if we were single, we were supposed to be. There is a reason I’m single, and it’s the Lord’s reason. I’m doing my darndest to trust his timing while also improve myself. I really believe that the man I marry is going to be lucky to have me. I can’t wait to be able to adore someone and to be adored. Maybe it’ll happen in this life, maybe in the next, but I’m trusting the Lord’s timing and his missions for me here. I know I am in some of your prayers, and I appreciate it. I love ya!
Well, again I’ve been open and honest in that raw and probably uncomfortable way. Mom tells me I’m too open and honest. I’m still on the fence about that. J I’m me and here I am. So, that’s the update! I’m doing great, I’m happy, I’m looking forward to the future in my career, I’m looking forward to meeting some cool guys and maybe the guy for me. I continue to get healthier and I love my Lord dearly. We’ll hope that I don’t take so long to write again. Loves to you all………liv.
(a couple of housekeeping items: 1. here are most of the pics from china - http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=155321&id=795438834&l=683f7672dd
2. We’ll be in Idaho for thanksgiving and Christmas, wahoo! 3. I’m writing this very late at night after a long and emotional day, so it’s ok to be gentle in your reactions)
